|
|
Friday, October 5th, 2007
| |
7:40 pm
|
I want my journal back. I want it back so bad. There is just so much I want to write that is not appropriate for an internet site. I suppose I could candidly write, but I don't know, it just feels wrong to put such personal thoughts in the view of the public. I would feel so exposed.
I am listening to Snow Patrol right now. God, I love Snow Patrol. Whenever I listen to them I want to write, they are just good thinking music. And such fantastic lyrics.
Jen (old roomie) is outside talking to her ex-non-boyfriend... whatever that means. Later we are going to grade papers. Oh how fun are our Friday nights?
Lex is being loud with his squeaky toy right outside of the office door. I am not sure why he insists on never being 5 feet away from me. He's looking through the glass being all pathetic. I think I shall go give him a walk.
Random.
Until next time.
current mood:  blah
|
|
|
| Sunday, September 30th, 2007
| |
10:33 pm - I hate life
|
Especially when the Gators lose. My God, that was a horrific game.
I hate Auburn, I mean I really HATE Auburn. If a vortex of blackness were to open up on the city of Auburn and swallow everything that was alive in that area, nothing would be missed. They are cocky assholes who play dirty. Were we not all taught to not hit other people when we get upset? No, not Auburn children. Spawns of hell. Their football players would proceed to punch ours when we did something they did not agree with, like, hmmmm..... let's say..... make a fair tackle? Ingrates. All of them. Darwin's process of the evolution of humanity has not yet reached Auburn, Alabama.
And I am not just ranting because the Gators lost. Why yes, I am pissed about that, but we can only blame ourselves. We had a shitty first half. But growing up a Crimson Tide fan I have seen the true colors and natural evil that Auburn possesses, and I know how cruel and manipulative, and dirty they can be.
I do not think we play them for another five years, but when we do, watch out Auburn. You will not be up against only freshman and sophomores. You will be up against a team that Urban Meyer has trained since they can into his program. And I hope Alabama wipes the floor with your asses in the Iron Bowl this year.
Ugh. I am so mad at life. Damn you, Gators, for losing to the team I hate most of all.
Until next time.
current mood:  infuriated
|
|
|
| Friday, September 28th, 2007
| |
7:40 pm - Ahhh . . . . live journal.
|
I am a bit distressed at the current moment. My life seems to be spinning uncontrollably in the direction of stress. Over-worked, under payed, tired, not appreciated... well, they do not even quite seem to sum it up.
Currently I am working on my certification towards becoming an established teacher (mind you I am already two months into teaching for my second year). I had a parent/volunteer in my classroom today and she was asking me all about my background, what I did in college, etc, and we got to the New York showcase that I was a participant in my senior year.
She said, "Wow, it sounds like you were really serious in acting. Why didn't you pursue it?! You would have been a star!"
To which I replied . . .
"I just wanted to teach. The kids are totally worth it. Beyond worth it. To see them grow and expand as actors is indescribable."
I did not lie, I told the truth, but then I began to think. In the last year I have not grown as an actor at all. I have been stagnant. For the first year in I don't know how many there was no a scene, monologue or play that I was in. I feel strangely depressed all of a sudden. I miss the stage. It is my home. Although I love directing the kids nothing quite takes place of being on that stage, in the center as someone else. Closing my eyes and opening them to the blinding lights of the catwalk, and know that although I cannot see them, everyone in that audience is watching me. I miss the feeling of accomplishment that surged through my whole core proceeding curtain call. I miss the art of characterization, the PROCESS of becoming someone else.
Not that I don't feel a strong sense of accomplishment after my students nail a performance. It's unbelievable! For instance, today they did a pep rally skit to a various mix of "Grease" tunes, and they fucking nailed it. It was brilliant. The students in the stands were singing and dancing along with my students, and my students were award with more thunderous applause than the dance team and cheerleaders combined. I love that feeling, too. The feeling that everyone is so impressed with the students that I helped along the way. Proud cannot even come close to surmising how I felt.
I want them both. Just now I decided that. I want to act and I want to teach. I want to continue my education and further the education of others. But right now that is not feasible. I am taking two classes with an unruly amount of work, which pretty much takes up all of my spare time. And that is when I get a free moment of spare time. Between working at school, staying after for whatever practices, holding parent meetings at night, taking my alternative certification classes every Tuesday night, trying to unpack a house (I am slacking on that one a bit), creating lesson plans for 6 different preps, planning a trip to New York for over thirty students, directing a play, being the sponsor of three clubs and working at Regal Cinemas I am simply overwhelmed. I need a massage, a back rub to be specific. My shoulders and back are ridiculously tense. One with oil That would be so nice. And a nice long bath in my whirlpool bath tub with some cabernet.
Yet woefully those are but quick fixes. They are wants. This is what I need. I need to teach during the school year and be in community theatre over the summer. I want to take part in fringe. I want me acting life back. I want it all. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing solid in my life right now is my husband. Married life is. . . well, exactly the same as it was before. But isn't that how it is supposed to be? I have a handsome man there to support me no matter what I choose and I love him for it. But right now I don't know what to choose. I want to devote my summers to theatre, but I also need the extra money I get from working over the summer. The paradox. I cannot to both.
The answer will come soon enough I suppose.
I miss the journal that I usually write in. It has Shakespearean writing on the cover and it is orangish brown and beautiful, and I love the are of writing. But . . . . in the move it was covered in some unknown foreign liquid. Probably a candle. Damn. Damn you candle. Damn you life. Damn it Janet! Ha ha.... just kidding.
Until next time.
current mood:  discontent
current music: Lex Crying
|
|
|
| Saturday, October 28th, 2006
| |
10:19 pm - update
|
So... it has definitely been a while. Right now I am sitting up in Alabama, wondering about life in general.
I have so much on my mine right now, and I do not have my written journal to let it all out in! Arg! For some reason physically writing things down really helps to clear my mind.
Good news. Alabama won today! Against FIU yes, but it was still a win. And Florida beat Georgia, which is always a good thing. My Dad and I are going to go see the Grudge 2 in a couple of minutes. I heard the movie was bad but it is a horror movie, and Scott will not go see horror movies with me. I remember the days when he would go watch anything with me! Ahhhh.... how times change.
I know what I want to write but I don't want to write it. Does that make sense? Maybe I am just really tired with a runny nose, a constant sneeze, and a desperate need for sleep. I will probably read this tomorrow and wonder what the fuck I was talking about. Ugh....
I need to go for a walk.
Until next time.
current mood:  confused
current music: Football
|
|
|
| Sunday, July 9th, 2006
| |
11:07 pm - Update
|
Got engaged... have a new teaching job at Oviedo.... Life is good...
Will update later!
Jenn
current mood:  ecstatic
|
|
|
| Thursday, January 12th, 2006
| |
6:27 pm - Life
|
I was driving down 2nd street today, surrounded by magnificant trees with the windows down and the cool breeze filtering through my littel Saturn, and it hit me. It finally hit me. This is it. After this semester it is good-bye Gainesville. I drove past the 34th street wall (for those that don't know it is a wall along, you guessed it, 34th street where cops turn there heads as students paint various things). And as I passed it and looked at all of the art and words and some vandalism I remembered how much I have gone through in this small town. I recalled painting that wall myself when my Grandma died, and having friends like Jen and Matt help me do it, staying up with me until 2:00 in the morning in the cold cold weather just so I would have someone there. I remember all of the loss I expierenced while in college and all of the AMAZING people who were there to pick me right back up whenever I fell. And there were a few occasions when I fell hard. There were the road trips to follow bands like Allister and the Riddlin Kids around Florida. There were many trips to Tallahasse, including me getting a tattoo that I still love and have not regreted once. And the frat parties I never really enjoyed, but still pretended to have fun because it was part of the "college expierence. I remembered going to my Grandmas house everytime I would leave for Gainesville, and her giving me about fifty bags of groceries and gas money and playing all sorts of cards with me.
And the Gator games. I may love Alabama the most, but god I LOVE being a Gator. The fans are CRAZY, the games are spririted, and we usually kick ass. I hope next year is amazing for the Gator football team. Not having student tickets will be heartbreaking.
And my UNBELIEVABLE roomates Marc and Jen, without whom I never could have survived college. And all of our "Roomie Dinners" and "Roomie Christmas" and trips to Walmart. The idea of not living with either one of them is indescribable.
And I couldn't not mention those at Capones and Universal who have made working SO much fun. I do not think anyone loves their job(s) more than me. There is not one person that I work with who I do not like.
And soon most of that will be over. I will probably loose contact with some of the people that have become good friends, simply because our lives are going in different directions. I will probably not go to nearly as many Gator games. I will never walk into the Constans Theatre for another class, because classes will be over.
But new things are beginning that I am beyond greatful for . I am going to teach high school drama. (Hopefully). I am going to be living with my dream-like boyfriend. (And I say dream like because in my wildest dreams I never thought I would find someone this amazing and caring and handsome and understanding and all around phenominal guy). That relationship is probably one of the best things that I will come out with. Even though the road was agonzingly hard to get through, I would not trade a minute of it, because that might mean something would be different now and I love the life I have. Thanks to my boyfriend, friends and family I love the person I am, and not in that overconfident, cocky way. I have grown so much too. As an actress, and a tech, as a person. College really has been an unbelievable expierence. It is sad and wonderful to finally be leaving it.
May 6th, 2:00 pm is graduation.
After that, world, here I come!
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Allister "Don't Think Twice"
|
|
|
| Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
| |
10:22 pm
|
|
My Christmas was GREAT. My boyfriend is phenominal. My family is outstanding. Christmas decorations cost WAY to much....
|
|
|
| Monday, December 19th, 2005
| |
8:08 pm
|
| You Are a Bright Christmas Tree | 
For you, the holidays are all about fun and seasonal favorites.
You are into all things Christmas, even if they're a little tacky. |
|
|
|
| Saturday, December 17th, 2005
| |
11:13 pm
|
My throat is getting better, but I must say, the white scabby things on the back of my throat whre my tonsils used to be are really disgusting. And my mom says she thinks they put stitches back there... which Scott told me about three weeks ago but that grossed me out so I did not want to believe it. And NOTHING grosses me out! Ouch.
A couple more days and I should be in the clear as far as pain goes.
And Scott has been great through this whole thing. He never ceases to amaze me. He has been getting me anything and everything I need and even put up with my absurd pasta order (but oh it was good). I love him so much.
Life is good right now. Real damn good.
current mood:  complacent
current music: SNL
|
|
|
| Thursday, December 15th, 2005
| |
5:43 pm
|
I am still sore. Ugh. This tonsil thing SUCKS. I tried eating mashed potatoes today and that didn't work out to well, but I was able to eat the ice cream a bit easier than yesterday. I will just keep the pain medicine coming.
Thank you Kelly, for visiting me yesterday. Thank you mom for taking care of me. And thank you Scott for driving to see me EVERYday and for coming to pick me up tonight. I love you all.
current mood:  still sore
current music: The Lion King
|
|
|
| Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
| |
2:16 pm - New journal!!!
|
So fer-fergator is gone. There are two many entries I wanted to delete, and I just didn't have the time. Actually, I was just too lazy. So theatregator it is. I like this name better anyway I think.
So what has been going on in my life? I actually do not think I have made an entry since September!!
This year has blown by, and part of it is because I have just been so damn happy. I have an AMAZING boyfriend who is so caring, and strong, and creative, and loving, and everything I could possibly imagine in a guy! I love him with all of my heart. We celebrated one year of being together this week and it was amazing. He took me to Lue Gardens, which was beautiful. The Rose Garden section of it was amazing! (He also surprised me with a dress that I had said I wanted... I just described this too him, he didn't even see it, and he got it for me). He also got a new suit for the occasion which looks so good on him! SOOOOO damn good. ::drools:: The my most handsome prince had a LIMO pick us up to take us to dinner. Now, I had never been in a limo before so this was beyond exciting. And it was a white STRETCH limo. It was so cool! We then proceeded to head to Timpano's in said limo, which is an AMAZING steakhouse. My dinner was great. Then he had the limo driver take us to blockbuster and publix to get cheesecake and a movie! I cannot even describe how cool it was to pull up to blockbuster in a limo. He made that night better than I could have ever imagined it would be. Everything was PERFECT.
And let me tell you just how strong he is. Two weeks and one day ago Scott had surgery... BRAIN surgery. He went in Tuesday the 29th and was out that Saturday. His recovery has been amazing and insprining. He has looked at everything in a positive light and has gotten back up quicker than I could ever have imagine. In fact, for the last week or so he has been driving MY ass around everywhere. It is unbelievable.
I just cannot even describe how lucky I am to have him.
As for my health... I got my tonsils taken out yesterday. Ewwwww. It hurt. It still hurts actually. But it is no brain surgery, that's for sure, and I am trying to get back up as quick as I can.
Christmas is coming up in just 11 short days. Amanda's debutante is soon after that (where I will make the ladies jealous by having the most handsome escort) and then New Year's and the Aerosmith concert January 5th!!!!!! I am so excited!!!!!
And I am sure I will update more in the next few days.
Until next time...
current mood: sore
current music: Spiderman 2
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
theatregator's journal